Fate & Festivals: Why the Heck I Came to Israel and How I Met My Husband

As some of you may know, my father is from Israel. That tiny country that takes up so much of our news, that place that when the average person pictures it in their head, all they seem to conjure up are images of bombed out buildings and rubble, machine guns and Arab women crying, presumably at the loss of a child. When people picture Jerusalem, they tend to imagine a glowing, uninhabited holy place, preserved from the day Jesus died. And Tel Aviv, totally opposite - people envision white sand beaches lined with techno-thumping gay-friendly nightclubs. 

The paradoxes of perceptions of Israel

A few years ago, when I pictured Israel in my mind, none of that imagery popped up. All I could remember from Israel was my grandparents' house, since my last trip to Israel was when I was twelve. Truth be told, most days I forgot I was half Israeli - many of my friends had immigrant parents, but it was kind of a mute point as we all considered ourselves 'just American.' 

As I sat at my desk in San Francisco after lunch, an email appeared in my inbox from one of my few Jewish friends. She told me she had just applied for this free trip to Israel that just about any American Jew is eligible for, but there was an age cutoff and TODAY was the last day I would be considered. Ahhh! So... free trip to the place that makes up half of who I am and yet I know so little about? Yes please! Never mind that I'd already used up my two weeks' vacation for the year, I would deal with that hurdle later. So, much to my boss's chagrin, I spent the rest of the afternoon filling out the trip application, fibbing about considering myself Jewish, and two days later I had a flight booked to Israel, leaving in a few weeks!

This trip, called Birthright, or Taglit in Hebrew, was, in a word, epic. I was joined by 40 of the coolest Jews in San Francisco (Is that an oxymoron? Just kidding! Jews are kewl!), some of who became my lifelong friends, and we toured up and down the tiny country for ten days, partied our butts off, and fell in love with the magic of the place. (Note: Israel is THE BEST as a tourist!) 

Riding camels on Birthright - I think you can tell everything by my face!

Unfortunately, some people backed out of the trip at the last minute, because at the time there was an impending threat of total destruction by one or more of the neighboring countries. I don't remember which, because it happens all the time (something I've discovered while living here). 

Before the trip, we had an orientation session in San Francisco, which was 1) a chance to meet everyone, and 2) a platform for people to ask how our little tour bus would be protected from the impending total destruction, if it were to occur. There was also a representative there from an organization which tries to recruit young Jews to participate in long term volunteering and/or study projects in Israel. At the time, I was thinking about going abroad long term, but Israel wasn't on my radar. I wanted to go teach English in South America, and I had already started my online Teaching English as a Foreign Language course. I was barely listening to this guy talking about opportunities in Israel, and I even got a little annoyed at what I perceived as Israel propaganda. 

After the trip, all my plans changed, which happens a lot in my life! My friend who was going to come with me to South America fell in love with an awesome guy in the Bay, and I could tell she was beginning to put down mental roots. And, let me remind you: Epic trip. So I racked my brain for the name of Mr. Propaganda's organization, found their website, and could barely believe that I was actually looking up ways to go back to Israel. I did a search for Humanitarian Work, and only one program came up, so I signed up!

Let me share with you something. Have you heard the theory that girls subconsciously look for a partner with the same qualities as their fathers? Well, my dad is really sensitive. He likes drama movies, he writes poetry, he is confident but not macho by any means. And every guy I met in San Francisco just wasn't my cup of tea. I had many male friends, but all the men I dated lacked this sensitivity that I was after. When I moved to Tel Aviv, I was quite happy being single and I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but I had a feeling that I would find the men there more attractive in terms of personality, because, after all, that's where my dad developed his sensitivity!

As soon as I arrived in Israel, I heard through a friend about an upcoming magical hippy festival in an India-style ashram in the desert, with music, yoga, spiritual workshops and group meditations. This was exactly the sort of experience I was after, and although the 4-day festival was sold out, I managed to get myself a ticket and arrange a ride with people I'd never met.

The main stage at the festival, a green oasis in the middle of the desert

When I first arrived at the ashram and saw all the long haired, shirtless men in loose gypsy pants, and the dreadlocked girls in Moroccan gauchos, everyone with huge smiles on their faces, my heart exclaimed, 'These are my people! Finally!' And instantly I was beamed to heaven. (Not literally, folks, I'm not dead.)

A candid pic I took at the festival. I think you get the idea...

Over the next few days, I went here, there and everywhere. Although I was camping near the people I came with, I barely saw them. I attended meditation sessions, dancing sessions, and other workshops like it was nobody's business. I met SO MANY genuine, lovely people. Once when I came back to the tent to get something, a girl camping near me brought over a guy she had just met at an intense workshop about love, and she introduced him to me, then went with him over to his tent to have some lunch. Later on, she brought him again to our camping area and we all sat around and talked. The next day, and the day after, the same guy came by a few times asking where she was, and it was clear that he was into her. We talked a few times one on one, and there was a lot of chemistry yet zero tension because the situation with the other girl put me and him strictly in the friend zone. 

However, on the last night of the festival, as I walked through the ashram alone, I bumped into this same guy, and we spontaneously decided to take my sleeping bag out to the desert to watch the stars. Well, folks, that man was Eyal Satat, and the rest is history!

Eyal and me in the beginning, photo taken by his dad

Over the next weeks and months, I got to know Eyal, his sweetheart friends and his big, warm, inclusive family. Eyal grew up with three older sisters, and with all that female energy influencing his growth, I can say that he rivals my dad in the sensitivity factor! The first time we met after the festival, I shared with him about a minor skin condition I have, and he suggested that maybe I'm holding in my emotions and they're trying to come out in other ways, creating this condition. How's that for get-to-know-you small talk?! But he was right, and subconsciously I'd been seeking someone who could open me up and help me get in touch with my emotions. From that day, I knew he was that someone.

Two weeks after we met, I wrote in my journal that Eyal has extremely high emotional intelligence, and that I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with him. 

Well, I meant to write this post about our marriage, but I didn't realize there was so much necessary back story! To be continued...

All Talk & No Action: The Dreamer's Destiny?

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be an actress and a singer. What did you want to be around the time you finished high school? I wanted to be the Vice President of Marketing for a big technology company in Silicon Valley. Now, I've had dozens of additional half-baked business ideas with friends that never made it to the stage of writing a business plan. And plenty of ideas for parties and social gatherings, travels big and small - once, my friend and I even started to prepare her bamboo-rich backyard for our adoption of a baby panda from China! (We didn't know back then that adopting an exotic animal just meant sending money. Boo.) Not to mention daydreams of relationships that never worked out, my dream apartment and neighborhood that I never got to live in, and the list goes on.

The baby panda that we never adopted :(

The point is, I've had many dreams, big and small, which never saw the light of day, and I was inspired to write about this by an incredible song, 'Barbeque,' by the American jam band Animal Liberation Orchestra. Barbeque's insightful chorus sings: 

"Welcome to your barbeque, where you roast all the dreams that never came true.

Welcome to your barbeque. Pig out and dream anew."

All Talk & No Action

I was talking to a friend recently who told me that he has to stop himself from getting carried away with daydreaming about things he wants to plan and to accomplish, because many of the dreams he will never bring to life. I was a bit shocked, because I really enjoy this process of dreaming and getting excited about ideas, and I didn't understand why someone would want to starve himself of this pleasure. After talking a bit further, my friend admitted that some people in the past had accused him of being "all talk and no action," because he shared ideas with them that he never made steps toward achieving. Since then, he has shut down this dreamer part of himself and tries to make more practical plans. How sad, right?!

A few days ago I watched the movie, 'The Life of David Gale' (good movie!) in which Kevin Spacey's character quotes the great mathematician Pascal, "We are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness." Now, I think that Pascal took it a bit far here, and I do believe that we can achieve moments of true happiness while being fully in the present. But still, the man is onto something. It's FUN to dream, and I don't think we should ever feel guilty or make others feel guilty for doing it, nor should we try to stop ourselves or others from dreaming.

In the song 'Barbeque,' Animal Liberation Orchestra (ALO) sings, 

"As a way of getting us to move, life dangles your dreams in front of you, and unable to resist the temptation, we continue."

All the ideas in our heads are what gets us out of bed in the mornings, and without dreams we would quickly go into a downward spiral of purposelessness and feel 'stuck in a rut,' not a good place to be!

Letting Go

Sometimes all our ideas can feel heavy in our heads, and too many options can sometimes feel overwhelming and prevent us from choosing a path and taking it. That's why I love ALO's idea of letting go of past dreams to make space for new dreams. Maybe you saw a long future with a partner, and when you broke up you had to erase all the visions of little kiddos running around your backyard, or sitting on the porch and drinking tea together with white hair and frail bodies, as in love as they day you met. Maybe you saw a long prosperous future with a company you started working for, and when you lost or left the job, you had to wipe away all the dreams of the big office in the corner and the big raises year after year. 

The thing is, these kinds of changes happen all the time in life, and the sooner you can "roast all the dreams that never came true," the sooner you can "pig out and dream anew." If you feel like some of your old dreams are holding you back, I encourage you to make a list of all the dreams you've had in the past that still make you feel a pang of failure when you think about them. Take that list and hold a ceremonial barbeque with yourself (with or without real fire!), while listening to ALO's 'Barbeque' or another song that gives you the feeling of weightlessness and freedom, and set yourself free to dream big once again!

What dreams have you left behind, and how have you dealt with it? Do you feel bad when your dreams don't come to fruition or are you easygoing with letting them go and creating new dreams?

Which Years Are Your Golden Years?

Which year has been the best year of your life so far? Let me guess - this past year? Unless something terrible happened to you recently, I'm willing to bet you would rate this past year as one of the best years of your life so far. This seems to me one of human beings' greatest attributes - to feel that our lives keep getting better. Perhaps it's because we like to feel that we know a lot. You know the expression, "If I'd known then what I know now..." It feels good to be older and wiser. Or, perhaps, as we grow older, we keep getting more precise at figuring out exactly what makes us feel happy and fulfilled, and that brings us closer and closer to our true selves.

Image from www.notmerelyliving.com

Alright, now, when you think about your next birthday, how do you feel about turning (x)? If you are like many people, you are now starting to sense a bit of tightness in the chest, and maybe you'd prefer not to think about it and to avoid the topic altogether. However, if my earlier point is true for you and you are quite happy with the current place you are at in your life, then you should be ecstatic about your next birthday! Or, at least, not dreading it. 

From time to time, I hear people talking about their youth in that 'good ole days' way that sounds like they wish they were back in that magical time, when they didn't feel the weight of responsibility of money, family, and health. Well, I say, if you feel like your best times are in your past, it's time to make a change in your life. All of life's extraordinary gifts are waiting for you to take them, but they're not going to just drop in your lap, you have to create the situations that attract these gifts. Spend some time getting to know yourself, and find out what's missing in your life. Maybe even do a re-set on your life with a one way ticket out of town. Keep trying things, changing things, until you find that magic again.

My mom said something to me recently in an email that got me thinking about this subject. She said, "I find it interesting that whatever age people are, many of them will say it's the best years of their lives. I always used to think, 'How could 65 or 70 be the best time of your life?' but now I'm starting to understand." Thanks, mom!

Image from mindbodyspiritualawareness.com

So... smile! Jump for joy! For your life is going to keep getting better, and your best years are yet to come.