Do you ever say to yourself, “If only I had more time, I would love to… (insert dream: start a small business, train for a marathon, become a yoga teacher, whatever).” Well, I think I’m coming at this situation backwards from most people. I never had that thought pass through my head; time never felt like something I didn’t have enough of. I went about my days in a pretty repetitive manner (work, go out with friends, sleep, repeat), without any personal projects or desires outside of my routine. Now, though, my routine has been scrapped and the only constant for me is sleep. Now I find myself with an infinite amount of time, and you may find this hard to believe, but I’m suffering! As I said, I wasn’t dreaming of a time when I would have more time to myself. This situation sort of threw itself onto me, and I’m slowly trying to become one of those busy-bee types of people. But the process is long and dragging over rough terrain. I’ve tried knitting, I’ve tried piano, I’ve tried jewelry making, embroidery, songwriting, tie dying, and yes - even blogging! And even though I’ve really enjoyed all the bursts of creativity, I still feel a blurry empty feeling about what I’m going to do tomorrow.
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| Some products of my attempts at keeping busy |
My husband and I originally came to Israel for what we thought was a short time to say our goodbyes to family and friends before moving to the states. We are now just shy of the 6 month mark. One hurdle for me is that we don’t know when the nice US Customs folks will hand over permission for us to head to Cali, so it’s hard to commit to a job or a lease or even a personal project. Hmmm… when I write it down it sounds like a big fat excuse for being lazy. Oh, I know! We live with my husband’s parents in a sleepy suburb so we don’t have the inspiration of being in a city around art and music and people our own age. Hmmm… some people would say it’s the perfect time to work on things without distractions and money pressures. Maybe my problem is that I don’t have any good girlfriends in Israel, and my social butterfly self is not being fulfilled? Hmmm… I admit that this is a hard one for me, but my best friends are all just a short Skype call away. Actually, I think that in the past I’ve used socializing as a tactic to avoid getting too close to myself, because god forbid, I might notice something that’s not quite right, not quite balanced, not quite satisfied, so I want to use this time to get to know myself better and address all those previously unaddressed parts of myself.
After a free 2-day course on how to be a Life Coach that my husband and I took in London last year, the seed was planted in my head that I might like to be a Life Coach one day. How ironic that I need a Life Coach more than ever right now - maybe I can be my own first customer! (Somehow, I don't think that's how these things work.)
I know that I will look back on this time as a gift, and it’s up to me whether it will be a gift that I treasured and used to the fullest, or a gift that I threw away because of too many excuses and careless self-pity.
Have you ever found yourself in an overabundance of free time? Do you have any advice for how I can get my ass into gear? Much appreciated :)
