Alone Time (Not Lonely Time!)

Some people do a great job at this, sometimes not necessarily by choice. If you live alone, alone time is probably quite regular for you, as you have to make a conscious effort to have a social life. For those with roommates who are close friends or significant others, alone time is harder to come by, but it can still be achieved naturally with conflicting schedules. The hardest person to separate from, however, even for as little as 30 minutes - some of you no doubt have experienced this - is a travel companion.

Me with some of my past travel companions

It is the trusty travel companion who can be there to share in the joys of new experiences, who can ward off loneliness brought on by language barriers and big cities and tiny towns and shyness, and it is the trusty travel companion who can support you throughout your journey, helping you to reflect on lessons learned. But, sooner or later, as I have experienced on every trip of significant length, and with a variety of travel companions from friends to family to lovers, alone time is absolutely necessary!

Me and my current travel companion, my husband Eyal

Notice that I don't just recommend time apart from your travel companion - that is important as well, to develop relationships with different people you meet along the way. But time where you are truly alone is something different, something to be held and cuddled and treasured. As psychiatrist Abigail Brenner says, "Being alone allows you to drop your 'social guard,' thus giving you the freedom to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence." 

Alone time refreshes the senses, provides new perspective, allows us to switch our minds into a new gear, to turn our focus inward and put all our thoughts in order. For some of us, being alone is our time to switch off, to daydream, to answer to nobody except ourselves. This time can be spent walking, writing in a journal, working on a hobby, anything that helps you to feel good - but not sleeping!

I have to admit, I myself am not the best at getting in my much needed alone time. Since my husband and I began travelling together seven months ago, our alone time has been circumstantial and minimal. A few weeks ago, my husband was asked to drive with our work exchange host to Spain to buy some plants (we were in Portugal). I did some work in the morning and had a few hours to myself in the early afternoon, before they returned from Spain. As I munched on some lunch, I thought about what I wanted to do next. Wow, what a feeling! It sounds trivial, but I hadn't felt that in months, and boy, did it feel good. Thinking about what I wanted to do, with nobody else to consider. I imagine that mothers with small children know what I'm talking about! So, in the end, I took a nice hot shower, sat in a lawnchair in the sun, and invited one of the 15 kitties living with us into my lap for some cuddles. Then I picked up a pen and notebook and wrote my first blog entry. I had been meaning to start a blog but hadn't had the inspiration until that very moment.

By the time my husband returned, I felt rejuvenated, calm, and productive, and I promised to give him the same gift of alone time. It hasn't been easy, admittedly, to start a new routine. We're still figuring out how often we need time apart, and we each don't want to hurt the other or send confusing signals by suggesting time apart. But the topic is on the table, and we're working on it!

Do you find it easy or difficult to get time alone? What do you do to get the most out of your alone time? Please share in the comments :)

Marriage: An Antiquated Tradition or A Beautiful Bond?

I thought I'd never get married. Kids, maybe, but not marriage. To me, marriage seemed an unnecessary antiquated tradition, a way for our government to mold us into responsible, predictable subjects. I had to really rationalize with myself, in order to convince myself that marriage could be a part of my life, but now, seven months into my marriage, it couldn't feel more right.

Image from www.thedreamstress.com

Back then, I told myself, "Marriage is what I make of it. It will be totally different for me than what society dictates. I make my own rules and I'm just playing the system to get Eyal, my love, over to the US with me. We won't have rings, I might not change my last name, we won't turn into cogs of society."

After we got married, however, new meaning came to the idea. Being congratulated by all our friends and family, and receiving their heartfelt best wishes for a long and happy life together - this really meant something to me. I felt a new-found sense of togetherness with my husband, as if I'm holding a delicate flower in my hand (our relationship), and I must do my absolute best to care for it, treasure it, observe its growth.

Me and my groom

Maybe, in the end, marriage means exactly the same to me as it does to society at large. But I feel like I came to this feeling on my own, and that's what really matters. (Although we don't have rings, and I didn't change my last name... but maybe one day we will do both, who knows?)

Are you married? What is your opinion about marriage? Please share in the comments!